can we cast our shadows alone in the dark?
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Monday, August 11, 2003 say hello to angels... Fall is here, hear the yell back to school, ring the bell brand new shoes, walking blues climb the fence, books and pens Walk with me, Suzy Lee through the park and by the tree we will rest upon the ground and look at all the bugs we found then safely walk to school without a sound Well here we are, no one else we walked to school all by ourselves there's dirt on our uniforms from chasing all the ants and worms we clean up and now it's time to learn Numbers, letters, learn to spell nouns, and books, and show and tell at playtime we will throw the ball back to class, through the hall teacher marks our height against the wall And we don't notice any time pass we don't notice anything we sit side by side in every class teacher thinks that I sound funny but she likes the way you sing Tonight I'll dream while in my bed when silly thoughts go through my head about the bugs and alphabet and when I wake tomorrow I'll bet that you and I will walk together again How perfect is that? (Yeah I chopped out some stuff. You would see that if you know your White Stripes like I do, but hey, it works all the same.) So. Today. Day 1. HCA. It wasn't gay. Nay I say. Yea, no gay. This isn't as good as DJ Kayslay. In fact, this is pretty gay. (Hint, kids: I can't freestyle). I can, however, rhyme like a mug and blow cats out of the proverbial water if I memorize my ish (reeeeeeeeeeemix). I show up mega-ultra-crazy-go-nuts early. Like 7:35 early (7:45 was recommended to get situated with lockers, but if you weren't there by the regular 8 o'clock, no big deal). I see all the people I will eventually come to know, and it's somewhat awkward. It's weird. Have you ever had those passing experiences with people and then you get to know the person and realize how you had even ignored them to begin with? That's what I think it's going to be like. Once I get to know more people, I will feel awful that I either alienated or ignored them to start off the year. Anyway... I start asking around about lockers. I find out that EDITED!!! has assignments, so I seek him out of the mob around him. After waiting forever and a day, I finally get the news -- I have no locker. "You didn't sign up early enough," DELETED!!!! says to me. "If you had signed up earlier in the summer, you would've had a locker. We just ordered 20 new ones, so you have to wait." W. T. F. NO LOCKERS!? FOR ME AND 18 OTHER PEOPLE INCLUDING MY BROTHER!? So here I am, carrying around ALL my books in my bag the entire day. And these aren't light books either, these are scoliosis-inducing, dislocate-and-pop-your-shoulder-back-in-its-socket, backpack-weighs-more-than-a-small-child heavy arse books. Gah... Anyway, we do home room and I've already met at least 4 of the people in my room. Oh, here's the new count on HCA Juniors for the class of 2005: 10. 7 boys. 3 girls. YIKES!!! Here is an open request for more class of '05 females living in the metro Hernando/Citrus/Pasco county area: PLEASE COME TO HCA. WE NEED YOU. BADLY. Anyway... today was basically "Meet your teachers again get your books look at them a little bit blah blah blah" day. Nothing too entirely exciting, except maybe for the fact that 30+ people said I look like DELETED!!!! I swear, every person I talked to either asked me if I was related to this senior named DELETED!!!! or if I WAS DELETED!!!! (side note: Screw people with first names as last names. They suck. Repetitive, redundant mother ho's. Me? Biased? Never!) Not one person I talked to did not, in the course of our conversation, not mention Brian. It got old after about the 3rd person (7:50 in the morning or something, and I still had until 3). Lunch time was rough. Apparently they cut last year's time by almost 10 minutes. It went from a 38 or so minute lunch to a 29 or 30... somewheres around there. By the time everyone meanders into the lunch room and gets their food from the ONE SERVICE STATION (This isn't a public high school, remember. There's no "buffet line". We have 2 people manning the cafeteria duties for food, and the menu is large and in charge. That must be awful, I feel mega ultra bad for them.), we have about... 3 minutes and 17 seconds to consume the food. I don't eat lunch anyway, so I've got no beef. (haha get it? That was cheesy.) Acting class was the best part of the day. DELETED!!!! nominated a few "martyrs" as the first to do their monologues. I finally got to perform my poem. It went unbelievably well. I only stumbled over 2 or 3 words, and it wasn't even that noticeable. Even with hints of imperfection here and there, I still managed to impress every single soul in that room. I could tell I was impressing people by the reactions. The subversive (okay, so maybe it's blatantly obvious -- Che... duh) political opinions by Steve Colman and also his comedy ("where ideas kiss similes so deeply that metaphor get jealous") were the real kickers. I remember one reaction in particular when I started on the 3rd verse of the poem. My instructor (I know her name now! -- DELETED!!!!) sat back in the desk and started waving over another teacher to listen to me. After I was done, I didn't get a standing O, but for a class of 19, I got a pretty big applause. DELETED!!!! says she was awestruck. I take it that's a good thing... In reading my slam poetry, I explained a portion of it to the class and showed them a book I had on the subject. Because of my reading, I have turned at least 5 people on to slam poetry. Woo hoo! (Go go go go go go... go Alex, it's ya birfday...) And there are some serious cats in Acting Class. The girl who went before me memorized the entire book "The Cat in the Hat." Impressive, considering it's 60 odd pages. She did it with only 3 or 4 hang-ups too. I have to admit though. I was upstaged. After I sat down from completing my poem, no one wanted to follow me. How awesome is that? DELETED!!!! finally convinced this girl to do her monologue, and yes, I was upstaged. By what? BY TEARS! Indeedy, by tears. She began her monologue with a conversation between 2 airhead girls talking about this one clingy outcast that one of the two didn't like and tried to scrape the barnacle off the ship, so to speak. Then she clicked over and it was the clingy girl's mother trying to call the airhead girl's mother. Airhead girl said her mother wasn't home, but she could pass on a message. Clingy girl's mother said that clingy girl had slit her wrists and nearly died of blood loss. Airhead girl was shocked, clicked back over to the other airhead girl and promptly hung up. She went on with the monologue and legitimately started crying, sans the tissues. Totally engaging, completely convincing -- I was incredibly impressed. This acting class is for real. Other than that... hmmm. One thing I noticed about school is that there is a definite invisible division between the boys and the girls. It's odd. No one has really broken the ice, so the boys tend to stay on one side of the room while the girls are on the other. It's pre-schoolesque, the cooties theory intact. Other than the gender divide, I can't seem to pick out the groups of the "social pyramid" quite yet. I don't see the Jocks, I don't see the Cheerleaders/Airheads, I don't see the Goths, I don't see the Nerd Herd, I don't see the Rebellious Kids... it's like, everyone is in this one big glop of people. There are tons and tons of people who transcend all the supposed borders of the pyramid. In fact, just about everyone can hang with just about everyone else and be content. It's hella weird. It doesn't make sense to me yet, but I'm sure it will. I mean, I'm not one for labels. I'll be the first to tell you that I don't believe in them (I wrote 4 papers for English Comp I that had a consistent line as such). Still, just a little observation.. That is all. And on the outlook for girls... I'm not saying a single word. we will become silhouettes... overthought at 11:07:11 PM by a hole in the world hip hop and it don't stop.... As I write this, it is 4:15 a.m. My plan of staying up all night is in full effect. (side note: I feel like calling someone just to piss them off and wake them up... muhahahaha) I am still up because I am absolutely jazzed for school tomorrow morning. Err.. this morning. Err... In a couple hours. There. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, having napped today. Err... yesterday. SOME TIME AGO. So that's why I'm awake -- because I can't sleep. Simple really. I got to thinking though... I'm starting over. It's as if I'm pushing the reset button on the game of life. I've left my old school of 2 years where I had established myself, where I had become completely rooted. Now I go into my new school as "the new kid." Being the new kid sucks, especially this far into high school. Everyone already knows everyone else. It's just like at my old school -- I knew everyone, and they knew me. Things went unspoken. We just knew it. That is what it's going to be like at my new school. Everyone already knows each other. Then you throw in the variable of several "new kids" and who knows what you get. I wouldn't say I'm necessarily singularly scared or nervous or even anxious. I suppose you could say it's a mix of any of those. It's as if one is at the very top of the rollercoaster, in those calm few seconds before you start declining. You're not on an incline anymore, but you haven't started falling yet. It's quiet. People are talking, but they're not really saying anything. And then whoosh. But then it's all over. I know I'm supposed to live in the here and now and try to focus on the days ahead as opposed to the weeks, months, and years ahead, but time is short. Life is so short, and it's going too fast. I don't know much of anything anymore. I'm finally realizing that I know very little when it comes to the whole scheme of things. I feel very small lately. That's probably already been written. But then again, hasn't everything? i'll try to make this perfectly clear... i'm so transparent, i disappear. overthought at 4:18:52 AM by a hole in the world you don't know what you've got till it's gone... Sunday was my now-2-year-old cousin Joshua's birthday party. Oddly it wasn't in Inverness, where he and his mom (my cousin Melanie) live. It was at my house. Why? Stupid invelid grandmothers who can't ride in trucks with 3 other people. STOP EATING MY FOOD. It was all good and nice as far as birthday parties go. I was tired for some reason, so when the gang left at 6:45ish, I crashed from 7-8:30. I woke up and outside the door of my room I can hear somebody saying "So do we know why it stopped working?" And I'm thinking "What now." First the washer. Now the actual LINE OF WATER. See, at my house, we are on a private well. Screw city water and their nominal fee. I woke up and found out that our well had broken or the pump was not working. This has happened before. Two years ago, in the time between Christmas and New Year's, the pump did its same "I am a large poopiehead" act and shorted out on us. We had to have a whole new well dug. Fantabulous. But it could not have happened at a worse time. WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN THE NIGHT BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS!? Here I am, juiced to be going to a new school, getting ready to take a shower and -- hissssssss hisssssssss -- NO AGUA. WTF! Not having a working water line affects you in more ways than you could imagine. Eat something sticky like a donut, or while making PB&J get some PB or some J on you? Go to wash your hands? NO WATER. Accidently run your hand along a line of grease while looking in the working tools cabinet for a screwdriver? Go to wipe off that thick line of black that never seems to come off, and the only remedy is time itself? NO WATER. Feel kinda icky and you want to wash your face? NO WATER. Wanna brush your teeth and rinse? NO WATER. ARGH!!! SCREW YOU, NON-WORKING WELL. you kill bugs good, man... overthought at 12:33:26 AM by a hole in the world |
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